TED Talk Tuesday

After a little bit of a lull due to Spring Break here at Messiah College and the ton of backed up grading, I thought I’d return today with a trio of TED Talks that I’ve found interesting. To begin, here is a talk about why you will fail to have a great career. Don’t worry, the humor softens the soul-crushing possibility of this talk, and there is an “unless …”

A Lesson on Good Parenting

God Works in Mysterious Ways

Thanks so much to my friend Kristen Orr for a good reminder of the proper perspective on parenting. It is so good I’ll take the liberty to repost it here.

Sometimes the best lessons we can learn are from our kids. This morning I had my whole day planned out. We had two errands to run before heading over to a friend’s house to get together.  As anyone can attest getting three kids (or any number of kids) out the door is not quick or easy.  Well as with any day, it did not go as planned, but better. My first change was driving my husband to the park and ride so that he could pick up his bus that takes him to DC each day. The kids and I got home, ate breakfast, and prepared for our outing. I proceeded to make sure that each of the kids were ready to head out the door. Of course, I asked each of the kids to gather a toy to share with their friend. Mary gathered her two dolls and a purse. David insisted on bringing his legos, a set that was not built yet. I kindly and politely asked him to bring something other than legos suggesting even his new shark puppet, Sharky. Thankfully, my son is just as strong willed as his mommy is and vetoed my idea. I could say that I was calm and patient but my frustration was increasing quickly as the minutes were ticking away. Slowly those two errands were turning into one and then turned into zero. As I was on my march over to tell him sternly that it was time to go, something caused me to pause. As I stood outside his door and watched him, my heart was became reflective and instantly changed. I decided to pick up the pieces of my morning and start at the best place I could think of, my morning devotion time. I went to my room and picked up my Bible. As I was sitting there, praying and reading, David ran to me with Sharky in hand and climbed on my lap. His words began pouring out…”Mommy, I was praying about which toy to bring and I should not bring my legos. God told me to bring Sharky. I am going to listen to Him.” I just stopped because I knew God had just worked in my little boy’s heart in a way that my forcing would never have worked. He learned a life long lesson that will stick with him much longer than yelling or forcing his hand.

As I reflect upon my own son’s lesson I realize the power in the lesson for myself as well. First, of all God teaches us in his own timing. Sometimes we have to step back and wait for God to share His words and wisdom. The other lesson I gained was I need to step back and allow God to parent my children. He is the best parent and the best lessons I can learn are from Him. It is precious to watch your children gain understanding and wisdom in their own relationship with Christ. But it is even more wonderful to know that God, the perfect parent, is caring for my kids.

To check out more of her thoughts, check her blog out here.

Advice on Parenting: Let Your Kids Fail

Tim Elmore with Students Who Have Learned to Dress the Part

Thought I’d come back from a somewhat extended paternity leave (more on that at some point) with a post about good and bad parenting. Over at the Huffington Post’s parenthood portal, Mickey Goodman asks if we are raising a generation of kids who are essentially helpless. As a professor here at Messiah College (and even when teaching in graduate school at Virginia Tech) I have experienced helicopter parents firsthand. My parents almost never stepped in to side with me against a professor or teacher. The only exception I can recall was when they got a teacher in junior high or early high school to bump my negative(!) quiz score up to a zero. I still managed an A for the marking period, so I wasn’t too scarred. Some of my students, however, seem to expect that either they or their parents can make any bad grade disappear. This doesn’t work with me, nor is that attitude likely to go over well on the job once they leave the academic world.

Goodman quotes Tim Elmore, who heads a company that attempts to help students self-motivate and prepare mentally for the “real world”, a world where success rarely comes overnight, they are not rewarded for showing up, and they are not excused for mistakes. Here are some of what Elmore thinks we get wrong, and how he suggests we fix it:

Where did we go wrong?

• We’ve told our kids to dream big – and now any small act seems insignificant. In the great scheme of things, kids can’t instantly change the world. They have to take small, first steps – which seem like no progress at all to them. Nothing short of instant fame is good enough. “It’s time we tell them that doing great things starts with accomplishing small goals,” he says.

• We’ve told our kids that they are special – for no reason, even though they didn’t display excellent character or skill, and now they demand special treatment. The problem is that kids assumed they didn’t have to do anything special in order to be special.

• We gave our kids every comfort – and now they can’t delay gratification. And we heard the message loud and clear. We, too, pace in front of the microwave, become angry when things don’t go our way at work, rage at traffic. “Now it’s time to relay the importance of waiting for the things we want, deferring to the wishes of others and surrendering personal desires in the pursuit of something bigger than ‘me,’” Elmore says.

• We made our kid’s happiness a central goal – and now it’s difficult for them to generate happiness — the by-product of living a meaningful life. “It’s time we tell them that our goal is to enable them to discover their gifts, passions and purposes in life so they can help others. Happiness comes as a result.”

The uncomfortable solutions:

“We need to let our kids fail at 12 – which is far better than at 42,” he says. “We need to tell them the truth (with grace) that the notion of ‘you can do anything you want’ is not necessarily true.”

Kids need to align their dreams with their gifts. Every girl with a lovely voice won’t sing at the Met; every Little League baseball star won’t play for the major leagues.

• Allow them to get into trouble and accept the consequences. It’s okay to make a “C-.” Next time, they’ll try harder to make an “A”.

• Balance autonomy with responsibility. If your son borrows the car, he also has to re-fill the tank.

• Collaborate with the teacher, but don’t do the work for your child. If he fails a test, let him take the consequences.

“We need to become velvet bricks,” Elmore says, “soft on the outside and hard on the inside and allow children to fail while they are young in order to succeed when they are adults.”

You can read the whole post here.

The Danger of the Single Story

This is a great TED talk about Africa, and all of us. There is a danger in having only one story about any place or person. As the speaker  Chimamanda Adichie, says, the danger in a stereotype is not that it is wrong. Often, there is a seed of truth, but the problem is that the story is incomplete, and therefore leads to incorrect and dangerous conclusions. This is worth 20 minutes of your time. (HT: Peter Greer via his blog.)

Where Have You Gone, Allen Iverson?

Allen Iverson looks on from the bench during a Jan 2010 game in Milwaukee

I remember cheering for Allen Iverson for years as a Sixers fan, despite constant disappointment at the mercurial star who talked a big game, but seemed too small and fragile to consistently back it up. With all of the new stars emerging, Iverson seems to have simply faded away. Too proud to accept that his diminished skills and increased age meant he would have to be a role player if he was to continue cashing paychecks in the league. Over at SB Nation, Bomani Jones offers his take on the latest news regarding Iverson. Iverson’s money seems to be dwindling, if not gone. His life outside of basketball seems likely to be a sad and tragic tale. Here is Jones’ take on the present and future of the one-time superstar.

The older I got, the clearer it became that A.I. was going about things all wrong. The braids were a lot cooler in 2001 than ‘09, especially since they were worn by someone 26, not 34. The one-man offense was more defensible when that man, at the very least, was a capable NBA starter. He maxed out what he could do through force of personality and little else. His aging body needed a nuanced game that he hadn’t picked up. His ego needed to be commensurate with his diminishing skills to find a place. And he needed to see, clearly, that he was losing basketball, which was the linchpin that held together everything he had.

Now, it’s gone. So are his wife and family and, apparently, much of his money. He’s no longer a star, not even at the Atlanta watering holes he frequents. We only hear about him when the cops are impounding his Lamborghini or creditors are beating down his door. After being so much, good and bad, to so many, Allen Iverson is a 36-year-old retiree. He is a nobody.

Does he have any fight left in him? We will find out soon. He may be finished as a basketball player, but he can’t be finished as a man, if he ever was one. He’s done too much, been too far and proven himself to be too strong. Right?

He seems totally unprepared for his greatest challenge: life. Iverson was tossed out of high school. He dropped out of college. Not even the gods of irony are funny enough to make A.I. a coach. He’s demonstrated no interest in any activity meant to be performed 40 hours per week. In the most significant ways, he is alone. And there’s no reason to think any of this will get any better.

Four years ago, he averaged 26.4 points per game. Two years later, as a free agent, his irrelevance was impossible to ignore. He wasn’t even on the backburner. He was in the fridge, cold and past his expiration date. Only running backs and radioactive isotopes decay that fast.

The game hadn’t just passed him by. The Game, the macro-level stuff about basketball and branding that The Answer could never be bothered with, were way beyond him. The suits he didn’t want to wear, not his t-shirts and du-rags, were in style. The superstars of the day bore little resemblance to the anti-hero who directly preceded them in the limelight.

Now, it’s as if he was never here. His most lasting imprint is the NBA’s dress code, a measure taken to erase some of Iverson’s cultural influence. He has a lifetime contract with Reebok, but he’ll never be the Jordan-like icon whose brand power could sell shoes forever. Each of his employers was ready for him to go when he left. The Sixers will retire his jersey, and he’ll surely be inducted into the Hall of Fame. Sadly, it might be best-case scenario if we never hear from him beyond those nights.

He went from nothing to the world, and now Allen Iverson may be back to nothing again. Literally, figuratively and tragically.

Success Breeds Happiness, or Does It?

This entertaining and enlightening video sheds light on how our brains really work, and claims that happiness is the key to success, not the other way around. I find the argument persuasive, and think that we ought to think carefully about how we can be intentional about fostering happiness in our perspective on life!

Reflecting on Imperfect Heroes

¹⁰ as it is written,

“THERE IS NONE RIGHTEOUS, NOT EVEN ONE;
¹¹ THERE IS NONE WHO UNDERSTANDS,
THERE IS NONE WHO SEEKS FOR GOD;
¹² ALL HAVE TURNED ASIDE, TOGETHER THEY HAVE BECOME USELESS;
THERE IS NONE WHO DOES GOOD,
THERE IS NOT EVEN ONE.”
¹³ “THEIR THROAT IS AN OPEN GRAVE,
WITH THEIR TONGUES THEY KEEP DECEIVING,”
“THE POISON OF ASPS IS UNDER THEIR LIPS”;
¹⁴ “WHOSE MOUTH IS FULL OF CURSING AND BITTERNESS”;
¹⁵ “THEIR FEET ARE SWIFT TO SHED BLOOD,
¹⁶ DESTRUCTION AND MISERY ARE IN THEIR PATHS,
¹⁷ AND THE PATH OF PEACE THEY HAVE NOT KNOWN.”
¹⁸ “THERE IS NO FEAR OF GOD BEFORE THEIR EYES.” (Romans 3.10-18 NASB)

I couldn’t help but think of this as I contemplated the death of Joe Paterno this weekend. I was intrigued, though not surprised, by the reaction. Some of my friends, many with ties to Penn State wanted to put aside the recent revelations about Paterno’s poor handling of what he has admitted he knew about the actions of Jerry Sandusky and simply praise the legend that we all thought we knew to be above critique as a man, if not as a coach. Others wanted to say all of that didn’t matter in the shadow of the Sandusky scandal. I can’t help but think that these extremes, while tempting, are simply easy alternatives to admitting that Paterno was a man, like all of us, who had good and bad times. He often made good decisions, and certainly should be applauded for not simply amassing his wealth for himself and seeking the bigger paycheck. He was faithful to Penn State, and donated millions back to the University.

On the other hand, we must admit that his ego has been reported to be large, especially late in his career. It has been a long time since Penn State has been relevant on the national stage in any consistent sense. Partially, this is due to Paterno’s entrenched opinions and unwillingness to change significantly. While the defenses have been consistently good, if not great, the offense has rarely been the envy of anyone. Coaches on his staff rarely were replaced, despite lackluster seasons. The insulated nature of the staff probably contributed to the culture that allegedly allowed Sandusky continued access to the program and facilities long after allegations of impropriety had caused him to be “banned” from the building.

The lesson? None of us is perfect. Some of us tend to overlook our shortcomings and dwell on the good we see in ourselves. Others are more prone to flagellate themselves over every failure and overlook their many good qualities. The truth is that we should keep both in mind. We should also keep in mind that all of the people around us have both as well. Even the biggest villain has some good attributes, and even the most saintly person we know has inner struggles we may never see. Have the revelations about Sandusky changed who Joe Paterno was? No. They have simply revealed things we didn’t know. We ought always to offer grace and mercy to those around us whose struggles are most visible, and refrain from sanctifying others when we know that they are human, and therefore have issues and struggles we know little about.

I leave the decision on his soul to the One who alone makes that determination, but I pray for mercy, as I would want were I in his position.

——————————-

Over at The Way of Improvement Leads Home today, John Fea offers a couple of links to takes on this, but also offers an analysis that agrees with mine, just from his perspective as an historian.

As a historian, I think that there are a few things we have to remember as we assess the legacy of Joe Paterno.

1. It is difficult to give a fair assessment of Paterno’s legacy while we are still caught up in the emotions of his death and the whole Sandusky affair.

2.  When we put our confidence in people, whether they lived in the past or live in the present, we are likely to be inspired by them, but we are just as likely to be disappointed.  There are no heroes in history–we are flawed human beings.  There are no villains in history–we, in the eyes of God, all possess dignity and worth.

You can find his links here.

How Your Church Can Transform Its Neighborhood

Public School #3 in Englewood

This is an insightful piece from Chris Smith, editor of The Englewood Review of Books. Chris is married to one of my high school friends and attends the same church as my wife’s brother and his family in Indianapolis. In this article, he details how their church went from a failed attempt at being a mega-church to having a huge impact on their down-trodden neighborhood in a poor area of the Near Eastside of Indy. Here’s a taste:

Englewood is a tiny postage stamp of a neighborhood on the Near Eastside of Indianapolis. In many ways it’s a stereotypical abandoned urban neighborhood. Located at the heart of the ZIP code with the highest rate of vacant housing in the state, our neighborhood continues to see occupancy rates plummet. But there are signs of hope.

On Rural Street, the century-old Indianapolis Public School #3 building (which has not functioned as a school since 1979) is being converted into 32 units of gorgeous, mixed-income housing. It will be the first development in the state to integrate market-rate and affordable housing with supportive housing for people coming directly out of homelessness or severe mental illness. Right behind the school, a vacant lot once covered with asphalt is now a community garden that has expanded every year for the past decade. And just south of the garden and school building, on the exterior of a commercial building on Washington Street that was once home to a seedy used appliance store, a local artist is painting historical scenes from Wonderland, the amusement park that graced our neighborhood a century ago.

In the midst of this surprising renewal is Englewood Christian Church, a failed megachurch that spiraled downward with the neighborhood. How is it that our congregation, now about 200, was able to help orchestrate these strains of change? The short answer: We learned to talk to each other.

To read what that listening lead to, check out the piece here. It is worth the read. I think many of us could learn from this example. Rather than attempting to tell our neighborhood how they can improve, let us listen to their dreams and goals, and figure out how to partner with them and show them the love of God as we work along side of them.

Messiah College Students Can Think, Really!

Frances Fox Piven Speaks at Messiah College

A few weeks ago Messiah College hosted Frances Fox Piven on our campus. While I had nothing to do with her appearance, and can’t even tell you definitely who invited her, I’ve certainly heard a lot of reaction to her appearance, including in the comments section of my piece about Dr. Peter Kerry Powers defense of her appearance in the Harrisburg Patriot-News. In light of the uproar, I wanted to post two additional responses from the Messiah community that counter misconceptions I have heard. Later today I’ll post a response to accusations that the liberal establishment at Messiah (which begs the question of whether there is such a thing here) forced the cancellation of a conservative speaker. This post is to highlight a letter to the editor posted on Lancaster Online (affiliated with several Lancaster, PA newpapers, so I am not sure which print editions it may have appeared in). Here is the letter from Messiah College trustee Kim Smith (find the original here):

TO THE EDITORS:

As a trustee of Messiah College, I wanted to publicly affirm the respectful manner in which Messiah students, educators and community guests demonstrated a core principle of a free society — the civil and active exchange of ideas — during the college’s American Democracy Lecture with Frances Fox Piven on Oct. 11.

Despite the intense controversy surrounding Piven, the audience engaged in spirited, thoughtful conversation with both Piven and each other — even in the midst of clear and passionate disagreement. Refuting the premise that college students are empty, easily influenced vessels, the Messiah students who attended asked well-informed, critical questions of Piven regarding her views.

This modeling of effective public engagement and civil discourse is central to preparing students to fulfill Messiah’s mission “to educate men and women toward maturity of intellect, character and Christian faith in preparation for lives of service, leadership and reconciliation in church and society.”

Students and parents who do their homework on Messiah College will find that it is an authentically Christian campus community that is effectively educating and equipping future leaders who will bring respect and discernment to all corners of our increasingly polarized society.

Kim Smith

Manheim Township

Personally, I think this characterizes well what I would hope for. Students can think and engage ideas without being indoctrinated. They can ask speakers hard questions and disagree strongly with someone without becoming hateful. The irony here is that the outcry about Fox Piven speaking at Messiah has given her way more press than the talk itself would normally have received. Thanks to the many voices speaking vehemently against her appearance, she gained more press and notoriety than someone who has been out of the spotlight for so long should probably have received. Had there been no uproar, students would have engaged her, challenged her views, and walked away with a potentially valuable educational experience. As it is, students likely still got that part, but much time and energy has been wasted defending the very idea of listening to someone who has said some rather radical things.

Thanks to Ms. Smith for standing up for the ability of our students to think. I really think that Messiah does something much, much better here by offering these chances to engage the other than we would should we choose to shelter our students away from the reality that such views exist. Maybe some students will be persuaded by her views, or those of others like her. If they are so easily persuaded, I would say that these students were never doing anything other than pretending to be conservative in the first place, so she has not won converts, she would simply have revealed the true views of our students. In that case, wouldn’t having her here have done the students, and all of us, the service of having the truth come out?

Long story short, if anyone (including parents) really think our students are that naive and gullible, I feel insulted. I give our students much more credit than that, and certainly hope that my kids are able to think well enough for themselves that I don’t feel threatened by them engaging new ideas with a critical mind.

Finding the Divine in the Mundane

Over at Don Miller’s blog, Penny Carothers contemplates the battle for many parents, especially stay-at-home moms, to find time for God in the ways we usually think about: devotions, prayer, quiet contemplation, etc. Here is a taste:

I’ve always elevated the lives of others above my own spiritual aspirations (especially people like Thomas Merton and Juliann of Norwich, and really, anybody who seems to have a rule of life that brings the spiritual into the everyday). This mistaken belief parallels my long-held view that spirituality has to look a certain way to be legit. Being the good girl that I am, I want to do it right: have daily quiet time, read the Bible every day, and (at least try to) pray without ceasing.

But Miller-McLemore has got me thinking: what if there really is a different way?  What if God intended the hug of a child to mirror the numinous moment others achieve through meditation?  What if attending to the needs and the play of children – really attending, not reading the news on my phone or folding laundry while I listen with half an ear – was a window into the spiritual?  What if all I really needed to do was simply be present? After all, God calls himself a lover and a parent, and perhaps there is something to learn in embracing my life rather than trying to escape it so I can have real communion with God.

It’s still a little shocking, but perhaps the most spiritual thing I can do may be to embrace my life as a mother. Not a spiritual, metaphorical mother, but a snot-wiping, baby-chasing, diaper bag-toting mother. Because sometimes it’s not the bible stories or the lectio divina, but theHelp! and thank you that a relationship is built on.

You can read the rest here. I find this to be a daily battle as well. At work there are so many things looming over me that I need to get done, and when I get home I have family duties. I’m usually at school before 7:00, and the kids don’t go to bed until 8:30 or 9:00. Then I finally get to focus on my wife. Finding time for God in the everyday moments is a realistic way to commune with God and include Him in every moment, rather than inadvertently sectioning Him off to His few minutes of my day. I really appreciate this view, and hope that it helps me to refocus my life moment by moment.